Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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