she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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