He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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