Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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