Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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