i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
