apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
