Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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