It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
