Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
