i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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