Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize