Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
