i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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