The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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