I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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