so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
