This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
