need another drink. this is the easiest way
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
