The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
