That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
