Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can I color on your dick again?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
