Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
