I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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