Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I need to align my fucking chakras
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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