remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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