My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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