I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
