I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's always time for handjobs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
