At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What a dumb baby whore.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
