You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
