1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
