If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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