Already got asked if we're dating
She is in my trunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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