I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
