Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
