Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
