I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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