Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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