Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
