I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
