At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
