I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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