this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
