I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
