Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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