Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
