apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize