Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
