....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
