Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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