My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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