i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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