is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
