Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize