I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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