u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
