and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is my gift to your gina
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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