i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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