I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
