just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
