I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i would punch a child for taco bell
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
