There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
