after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
