Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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