I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
