Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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