i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
