I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
