So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's blow job season.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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