I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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